My Host Family's Shtepi

June 4, 2006

Last Thursday, June 1st, was “International Children’s Day” – I don’t remember June 1st being an International Children’s Day in the United States, but it’s entirely possible I was oblivious to its existence for twenty-five years. Is this like Mother’s day but for kids? Did something happen on June 1st that has something to do with kids? On Thursday afternoon I went with two colleagues from WV, the NGO I work for, to a village to help facilitate the nje i Qershori, (1st of June), celebration at the local school.

The activities at the school did little to shed light on the ambiguity of International Children’s Day for me. The front entrance to the school had a new facade, a cardboard set piece that was painted to look like a stone or castle wall. Above, a “Gezuar nje i Qershori,” (happy June 1st) banner was hung. Still no clues here as to what this day was.

It was about 10:00 a.m., the students had apparently been let out of school and were milling around the school yard with ice cream cones waiting for us to show up with microphones, a stereo, and much to the kid’s delight, an American to taunt. We finished setting up the audio equipment just in time for the village to lose electricity for the afternoon. The ice cream lady had been bought out, and with that pacifier gone the kids were getting restless for whatever kind of presentation was supposed to happen.

My colleague Dana, a woman of mild disposition but with a confrontational streak that seems to be characteristic of Albanian women, had a quick exchange with the Director of the school, a person who seemed to be unconcerned with whatever turmoil may be going on around him, a characteristic of Albanian men.

The story I was able to gather was that the Director knew a guy, who had a friend, who was related to someone, who might have a generator we could use, or something like that. We set off in our NGO-mobile in search of a generator that I thought we had zero chance of tracking down. As I’ve come to realize is often the case in Albania, situations – like this nje i Qershori Festival or our school-yard repair project in Labinot Fushe – that seem to have fallen apart or aren’t getting off the ground at all have a way of salvaging themselves at the last possible moment. In this case, we knocked on a few doors in the village and located a generator in about fifteen minutes. The generator reminded me of a lawn mower engine, mostly because it was started with a pull-cord. The next miracle occurred when a guy pulled up with his furgon, saving us from hauling the generator back to the school.

After a few false starts, we got the sound system up and going and the nje i Qershori festivities commenced. The program included a few songs performed by kindergarten-aged kids, some skits that I couldn’t follow, a pie eating contest, and the attention-grabbing finale of a lip-sync to a Shakira song by a couple of high-school girls. My assignment was to take photos of the whole production for documentation purposes for WV. I stood backstage – just inside the main entrance to the school behind the castle set – for most of the proceedings. Back there with me was a kid holding what I thought were two stuffed pigeon or dove-looking birds. After about thirty minutes I noticed that these birds were in fact alive. I cannot imagine how the kid managed to get his hands on these two birds, but he clutched them until the nje i Qershori extravaganza wrapped up and then threw them out the doorway. The birds seemed pretty stunned and just sort of fell to the ground the way a stuffed bird might have. They wandered around for a minute, got their bearings, and then flew off to a delayed applause.

I left the school still with no idea what exactly “International Children’s Day” was exactly. In this case it was a jumble of songs, skits, pie-eating, and terrified doves being tossed around. The kids love the fact that it involves ice cream and leaving school at 11:00 a.m., the teachers seemed to be okay with this arrangement as well. Actually, after the generator had been emitting gas fumes into the small school’s windowless central hall bringing students back into the school would have been a bad choice – or perhaps a good one. In hindsight, it was really a very similar day to the “assemblies, activity days, field days,” and “half days” that were part of my education. If International Children’s Day is not already on the American school calendar with Columbus Day, Presidents Day, Labor Day, Exceptional Day, Celebration Day, and Eat Ice Cream Day, then it needs to be.

June 7, 2006

The following was inspired by an article in The NewYorker by Jonathan Stern. Does this constitute plagiarism? Experiences of my own and others have been combined.

The Lonely Planet Guide to My Host Family’s Shtepi (House)

ORIENTATION
The layout of My Host Family’s Shtepi is such that even the first time visitor will quickly be able to grasp and navigate comfortably. Upon arrival you’ll first find yourself in a central echo chamber lined on either side with rooms. To the Northwest is the Banjo, a giant shower with a hole in a corner (see “Squatting Exercises”). Southeast of the Banjo sits My Room, directly adjacent to which is the T.V. Room. The former is decorated with the notable prints “Girl Running with a Pack of Unicorns” and “White Tiger Posed in Front of a Solar Eclipse” (see “Visual Arts”). A popular gathering spot for Grandpa and other locals, The T.V. Room offers the opportunity of genuine local interaction and large amounts of Second Hand Smoke.

WHAT TO BRING
Toilet Paper, Toothpaste, and Drinking Water are all considered luxury items in My Host Family’s Shtepi and are not readily available (see “Health and Hygiene”).

WHEN TO GO
The best time to visit is when the weather outside is comfortable and pleasant, as My Host Family’s Shtepi tends to take on the exterior climate, and often magnifies the coldness, heat, or wetness. Visits when Gjyshe is around are highly discouraged, and can result in incomprehensible conversation and lengthy delays (see “Getting There and Away”).

LOCAL CUSTOMS
The population of My Host Family’s Shtepi have roles correlated inversely to what we might expect given their physical health and gender. As a general rule, the older the woman the more time she will spend performing back-breaking labor, while the younger the man the more time he will spend doing absolutely nothing. Meals are taken in The T.V. Room during episodes of “WWF Smackdown, Fiks Fare,” and Italian Soap Operas (see “Cinema”). Don’t be put off by questions regarding income, age, marital status, sex life, weight, and what can sound like shouting matches but are in fact the exchange of niceties. The daily raki session (see “Festivals”) can take the form of a breakfast aperitif or an evening tour de force of which the visitor will have absolutely no control over.

HEALTH
Sexually transmitted diseases are totally nonexistent in the My Room section of My Host Family’s Shtepi. Owing to an intensive, though non-voluntary, program of abstinence. However, visitors should be prepared to encounter really horrible teeth, bad breath, hands that were probably touching the utter of a cow today, and general body odor. While not contagious and easily avoidable for the visitor (see “Medical Services”), all of these things are just gross. Travellers should also be wary of shaking Gjyshe’s hand, as she has a grip that could crack a walnut.

SOCIETY & CULTURE
The inhabitants of My Host Family’s Shtepi tend to be welcoming, overbearing, gregarious, puzzling, warm, meddling, hospitable, and just about any other adjective. This is likely the result of hosting an American (see “History”), which has dominated the lives of residents in recent months. With the end of the American occupation within sight, life will hopefully return to a state of normalcy for the local population.

WOMEN TRAVELLERS
Female travellers will likely be forced into manual labor of some kind, unless you are a guest of mine, in which case it will immediately be assumed that we are dating. The best advice, unless you do in fact want to perform yard work or attend your own Albanian wedding, is to not visit my Host Family’s Shtepi.

DANGERS & ANNOYANCES
While the My Room section may seem like a secure respite from the chaos that can consume My Host Family’s Shtepi, this area suffers from constant barging in and a complete lack of privacy. Blaring music in the form of bad American and European pop, and occasionally, traditional Albanian music has a way of popping up at particularly annoying times.

THINGS TO SEE & DO
In the dynamic My Room section one can take a nap, read Newsweek, or write rambling journal entries. A short walk from My Room brings you to the porch, a spot favored by Grandpa for staring at people and traffic, and by adolescent boys for heckling Americans. Back inside, the South Quarter is home to the Kitchen, a mecca for the foodie tourist. Men can expect service ranging from Turkish Coffee to a full-blown meal, while women will likely be asked to help cook dinner. The lively T.V. Room offers the opportunity to take in an episode of the aforementioned “Smackdown” and “Fiks Fare,” as well as futboll matches and the occasional movie in English, always popular with visitors no matter what the movie. This section of My Host Family’s Shtepi is also the usual venue for smoking and awkward conversation with my host family.

PLACES TO EAT
For an authentic dining experience at My Host Family’s Shtepi, ignore the dining room table and join the locals at the small coffee table in front of the T.V. This is no place for a lingering meal, eat as if it’s the Coney Island Hot Dog Contest. It might sound like your dining companions are choking, they’re just chewing. It’s all part of the ambiance!

NIGHTLIFE
Dinner may occur anywhere from late afternoon to early the following morning at my Host Family’s Shtepi. After which, head to My Room for games of snake on my cell phone or catch the BBC World Service Newsreel. There are occasional unannounced drop-ins by locals, and a favorite activity among foreigners is staring at the stars. Although this last activity is avoided by locals (see “Superstitions”).

SPORTS & OUTDOOR ACTIVITIES
I do pushups sometimes.

EXCURSIONS
A short trip from my Host Family’s Shtepi is the local café. Here, visitors can sample a distinctive menu of pilaf, qofte, mish, and sallate domate. Also nearby are a number dyqans, where tourists can stock up on cookies, candy bars, sugary drinks, cigarettes, and other items that aren’t remotely healthy. Farther a field, outdoorsmen will enjoy the nearby hiking opportunities, although locals will think your crazy for “just going for a walk.”

WILDLIFE
My Host Family’s Shtepi is a veritable petting zoo of chickens, turkeys, cows, and sheep. However, the dog is a mean son of a bitch, arm yourself with a rock or stick when the qen is around (see “Arrival”).