An Interior Monologue of a Marathon

On November 23rd I ran in a marathon in Florence, Italy. I’m not a runner. Aside from a couple of Turkey Trots in Detroit, I had never taken part in any kind of event like this. A big part of completing a marathon is mental. You’ve got get your head right. Ignore the pain. Mind over matter. This is how I psyched myself through the Florence Marathon.

00:27:58
This is kind of fun. I’m feeling good. There goes the 5K marker, that’s like a quarter of the race right there. I’m on easy street. And people were like “Oh Beni, I can’t believe your still smoking and training for a marathon, blah, blah, blah.” Whatever. Hey, that girl’s pretty cute.

00:54:50
Still truckin along pretty good here. Wish I had my iPod. Okay, there’s the 10K mark. Those last five were a little farther than the first two markers, but I’m going slow. Respect the race. Much respect. Oooh, a sponge station. (Inhaling sharply) THAT’S A REALLY F----N COLD SPONGE! Alright here we go over the river. Not a fan of the incline on this bridge.

01:20:58
These guys behind me are totally confused by the Albanian writing on my T-shirt.

Guy 1: What language is that?
Guy 2: No idea. Russian maybe? I don’t know where this kid is from.
Guy 1: It’s not Russian. That thing’s got a crazier looking alphabet. I saw another guy back there with a similar shirt. His said something about puking.
Guy 2: Oh yeah, he might speak English.

Now they’re coming up next to me. Go away, go away, leave me alone.

Guy 2: WHERE ARE YOU FROM? DO YOU SPEAK ENGLISH?

Why is this dude talking to me? I’m kinda in the middle of something, I’m getting a little angry at this point and I’m about to dish out a haymaker to the neck.

Me: Yeah. That’s Albanian. I live in Albania. I’m in the Peace Corps in Albania.
Guy 1: Wow Albanian. Your English is impeccable.

Hesitating for a second.

Me: Thanks. I’m really good with languages. Kind of a natural. You know.

01:52:34
That’s halfway. So now I just have to do everything I just did,….again. Don’t think like that. We’re still good. Wow! That person has a dog on a leash. That’s a pretty healthy looking dog. He seems happy, got his tail wagging, appears to like being around people. I forgot those animals actually made really good pets.

02:12:54
Okay, so now I’m going past people running in the opposite direction. Are they behind me? I don’t remember doubling back down a street. There must be a longer course for the really fast runners. That makes sense. So we can all finish together. Nice idea. Ohhhahhh,….we are turning around up there. I’m sick of running on this bastard street. It is a really clean street though. Hey, there’s another person walking a dog. Crazy!

02:21:43
I fought the law and the, (pause) law won. I fought the law and the, (pause) law won.

02:36:11
SuperSweet! Looks like we’re heading to the center of town now. Still got about a quarter of this thing left. I guess they run us around the city for a little bit. Whoa, there are a ton of people lining the streets. Look cool, look cool. Oh hell no that lady is not passing me with all these people watching.

02:39:07
Dusted her. That was energizing. And there goes the 30K marker. You know what I wish I was doing right now? Not running. Alright pull it together. Only 12K left. Those first 10 were easy, fun, I enjoyed them. And where in the hell are we going now?!! We’re running out of town. Again!! There go my spectators. Oooo, they’ve got croissants at this water station.

02:42:36
Eating two croissants was a gabim. Shume gabim.

02:51:03
Mile 20 marker. From here, every single step I take is the farthest that I have ever run in my life. I’m seeing a lot of people walking. Some look like they’ve dropped out. There a few that have just collapsed. Is that guy alive? Is he still breathing? Does someone come out here and collect the bodies?

03:06:01
F--k this f---ing marathon! F—k running. F—k this city. F—k this stupid park I’m f---ing running through. F—k this person next to me. Yeah that’s right, you, with your stupid tights. If the Firenze Marathon was a person I would beat the crap out of him. I think I might be hitting the proverbial “wall.” There goes 35K. Alright, we’re going to walk for five minutes.

03:09:48
Is that? That’s the lady that tried to pass me back in town. And there she goes. Fine be the hero lady. I don’t even care. I’m in this for me. I’m the big winner for myself. Remember what was happening about 7 Ks back? You were getting dominated BY ME! I’m just collecting myself for the final stretch so I can ruin you again. I’m gonna enjoy that!……There’s no way I’m catching her.

03:37:28
40 Ks. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Everything hurts. Am I crying? I want my mom.

03:52:59 THE FINISH
Someone just threw a medal at me. Another person gave me a bag with crap in it. I need water. I’m feeling kind dizzy right now. A little loopy. Water. I need water. Yeah, I’ll have a banana. Sure take my picture. I’m about to get down and start lapping at this puddle. Where is the water?!! Hey there’s Brandon and Joey. They have water. Magnificent.

Joey: How was it man?
Me: I need a cigarette.